oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
