I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
