She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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