my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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