and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
