8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
