Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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