You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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