my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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