i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
