i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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