Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize