Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
