I wish you could order shots online.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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