Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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