when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
