are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
