ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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