I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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