I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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