I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
