I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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