im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You need a sexual gate keeper
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
