I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
