i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I am one with the molecules
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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