There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
