i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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