so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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