I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
