hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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