I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
