Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
