did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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