I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize