He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
