I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
is it fun? or sober?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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