"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
