I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
