There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
