dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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