everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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