im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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