This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize