all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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