He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
