It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
