It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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