The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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