So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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