The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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