now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
