im drinking this country out of the recession.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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