R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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