Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
