I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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