looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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