exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
