can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
