friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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