Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
did i just pee glitter
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