I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
