Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
