My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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