Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
