ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize