I will die if light touches me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
