That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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