420 ftw
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
