So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
