She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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