She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
