Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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