mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
