i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
