a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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