that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
