i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
