Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
