How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
