I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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