So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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