My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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