people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
