My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize