I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
