i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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