quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
