That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
