he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
