You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
