And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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