He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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