That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
