we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
