There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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