come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
